Association and Success

I saw something recently on IG where a person was asking a bunch of their young peers what they think of when they hear the word “sex”. The bit was presented as something insightful on some level. Not in a documentation for the sake of posterity kind of way, but as a brief glimpse into the intimate part of another's world. Instead of being telling, the montage was a bunch of cliché statements that sounded like an unreflected script. It was shot with backgrounds that were often subtly cute or hip and the thoughts seemed pulled from Hollywood movies or fantastical music videos. Each person performed for the camera and adopted a posture they thought was appropriate for the question. One that suited their needs to be seen in a particular way since they knew it was meant to be seen. (Observing things with the understanding that they're being observed by us and others is a concept Hans-Georg Moeller refers to as second-order observation). This doesn't mean that the responses weren't genuine, but they definitely didn't come across as authentic either. 

Appropriating parts of our identity from pop culture is normal. We naturally desire what seems desirable by others, because there's a kind of proof of value and, therefore, a clearer road to success. René Girard called this learning mimetic desire. With the constant presence of social media though it's easy to give the impression that we already embody the ideals that we're trying to attain. By curating an online presence to look congruent with whatever is en vogue, we can possibly reap benefits due to simple correlations the public makes. The hope is that others respond to our proposed identity and help solidify its reality by affirming it. If our persona looks familiar and is categorized along with that of the movie stars, pop stars, artists, and other figures we imitate, then we must be on a path towards the good life, right?

We can think of this tactic as a positive version of "guilt by association". Leveraging it can be productive, but can never be a total solution unfortunately. Just as talking about sex in overtly romanticized ways will never manifest a lifelong beautiful love affair, portraying oneself as embodying an ideal doesn’t create the reality even if it tricks some. Fake it till you make it will fall apart at some point if the fake it part remains just that, because no one wants to be lied to and something must be delivered. Eventually the proof of concept has to stand up to the elements. This is why time is often the only true indicator. It's also why talking to a bunch of eighty year old's about sex, if trying to understand it, offers better odds for insight. It’s less beneficial for one's image if they’re in their sexual prime though.