Burnout

Today I realized that I have burnout. If I look back I can see the slow downward spiral. It begins by forgoing practices like daily reading, journaling, meditation, exercise, etc., because I'm behind on things I need to do. Eventually I'm eating like shit and wondering why I'm fluctuating between anxiety and depression. The cherry on top is seeing impressive stories like an article about a mother of nine who got her medical degree to fulfill her goal of becoming a neurosurgeon. "I must be doing something wrong", says a voice in my head.

The sense of being "behind" has pretty much always been with me. I remember feeling this way when I started getting serious about music at thirteen, because the prodigies had at least a six year head start. I knew that if I wasn't able to eat and breath my passion then someone else would take the coveted spot. I was never really sure where that spot was, but people confidently acted as if they knew. They were told by the ether that somehow never seemed to drift my way.

Everyone has twenty-four hours in the day, so it's easy to think the solution to getting more done is to work nonstop. Hard work and sacrifice are necessary to a certain extent, but there's only so much one can cut out of one's life before vital resources are eliminated. For example, I use this blog to try and formulate and refine thoughts I'm having. Most of the time it's hard for me to narrow down what I want to say. Lately, I only hear crickets in my head. Cutting out the time to study and think are what keep the thoughts from drying up.

What's the point of this post then? Probably nothing more than to keep my appointment, because, despite a lull in substance, giving up habits is far more dangerous. It's how I keep myself from stagnating.